i feel like my senses, especially my nose, have become increasingly insensitive. but everyday i wake up, i can feel at that instant that my body is relaxed, i am comfortable and nothing seem to matter. perhaps the only existing thought is the fleeting dream, good or bad.
everything is fresh, nothing carries any weight. and i would wake up like a newborn, asking myself "where am i? and what am i doing?"
sometimes throughout the day, i would watch a short video on social media about a guy trying to flirt with a woman, and i would ponder: why do we as humans do this just like any other animal? i can still be attracted to female in general, but is that the whole point?
right after i wake up, i find myself in my dorm room and ask myself, am i here to graduate college and become like everyone else? what am i becoming if i stay? oh wait, my sole objective isn't to graduate. i have smth going on everyday from 2pm to 4pm. why am i doing this? oh yes, the lbc and building startup aspiraton stuff.
sam says when im asleep i mumble or shout words in chinese. and i wonder if the me in dream state is a different person than the waking one, that has much less burden to carry, or just a different kind of burden. maybe he was unconsciously batteling the imaginary presence of my ex, which isn't a challenge i have to bear in real life.
the peak sensory feeling i get is the moment of bliss i get in between the asleep and the waking state. but after that im numb, slightly less than being unconcious.
some say ppl die everyday and born anew the next. it's an interesting thought.